>to little miss Shannon

>

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 

Anyone up for karaoke? ;)

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>raise your voice

>
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woXxvQJEOQY&hl=en&fs=1]

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>the link between bipolar disorder and enhanced creativity

>

This is an old article, but an interesting one. It's been said by a lot of people that there is a link between bipolar disorder and higher levels of creativity/intelligence, but most of these claims can be taken with a grain of salt. This was an actual study done a few years back on the existence of a link between bipolar disorder and enhanced creativity that showed these claims have some substantial truth to them.

Researchers at the Stanford University School of Medicine have shown for the first time that a sample of children who either have or are at high risk for bipolar disorder score higher on a creativity index than healthy children. The findings add to existing evidence that a link exists between mood disorders and creativity.

The small study, published in the November issue of the Journal of Psychiatric Research, compared creativity test scores of children of healthy parents with the scores of children of bipolar parents. Children with the bipolar parents—even those who were not bipolar themselves—scored higher than the healthy children.

“I think it’s fascinating,” said Kiki Chang, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences and co-author of the paper. “There is a reason that many people who have bipolar disorder become very successful, and these findings address the positive aspects of having this illness.”

Stanford School of Medicine

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>monsoon

>
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbLIRGW9ta4&hl=en&fs=1]

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>romper stomper

>
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjLbue4ieOU&hl=en&fs=1]

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>let's talk about nazis and white pride

>

It never fails to amaze me how nazi skins can so easily confuse white pride with racism. If you're proud to be white, where's the need to hate on other races? Don't you realize that all that does is make it extremely apparent that you yourself are so insecure in your race that you have to down other races to make yourself feel good about your race... and that in itself that is a contradiction of white pride?

And while we're on the subject, why does it seem every nazi skin out there on the net is freaking 13? You would think that alone would tell you something about the maturity level of this group, enough to stay away from them.

Another oddity I've noticed is amongst all the screaming of white pride, none of these people can seem to actually explain their beliefs to the average non believer. How can you hold a belief with absolutely no backbone? Are you really THAT much of a sheep?

Pride and prejudice just don't mix. This isn't a Jane Austin novel. This is real life. And when it comes down to it, I suspect these nazi skins are just your average joes with a stick up their butt because there are blacks, Jews, Hispanics, etc. that are more successful than them. I'm the product of a mixed relationship, and let me tell you I'm glad my mom picked my dad - the first African American photographer for The Herald, a brilliant musician, and a respected community leader. Nazis would like to see brains like that die out just because the people they're coming from aren't white. That seems rather counter productive to me.

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>anarchy camp

>
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrRHkX38aJw&hl=en&fs=1]

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>George

>

Phone apologies don't work for manipulative liars like you. If you were earnest, it would be public.

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>target earth

>
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aArIo4kIVKw&hl=en&fs=1]

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>here are some more hints for ya ;)

>

Last night we got our advertising ready to go for the new startup. It's looking like we're going to start on Friday. I'm nervous... I'm always nervous when starting something new like this... but I'm pretty sure we've hit gold here. Sorry I still can't give any details! I want it to be a surprise, and it won't be a proper surprise unless I wait until we actually start advertising. I'll give you a hint, though... through a new partnership, C.I.S. is about to start catering to the public and not just private corporate clients. One more hint... I specialize in something that fits with C.I.S.'s current model, but isn't currently offered. Third hint... a list of currently offered services on C.I.S.'s website.

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>peace at last

>

Well, it's all over now. George posted pics of my stuff destroyed on his website.

How do I feel?

Oddly enough, I'm not sad or anything. I'm relieved. He did the last thing he can ever do to me and it's all over. Not only that, but he made a public ass out himself in the process. If I wanted revenge on him, I just got it. The funniest thing of all about it is he's too jaded to even realize it... and actually thinks he won.

I can be happy now. Thank you, George.

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>I'm getting through it

>

I'm feeling better now, but not by much. My appetite has at least returned and I'm able to pull myself out of bed in the morning. That's about as far as it goes, though. Still... that shows improvement.

Most of it is due to two people, to which I am extremely grateful - David and my mom. Without them I don't think I would still be here.

David has helped through his love, patience, and understanding. When I say that George has taken everything from me he reminds me that he hasn't, nor can he, take David and Brennan away from me. When I say that no one believes me he reminds me that he believes me. When I say George was right he reminds me that George doesn't have any friends and with good reason - he lies, manipulates, and controls everyone around him. There has not been a single thing I have been able to say that he has not been able to counter. That makes me feel better. It makes me feel saner.

My mom has helped in that way that only a mother can - by simply being there, by simply loving me, by simply being sympathetic, by simply knowing me.

I must keep myself reminded that George is not nearly as fortunate as I am in all of this. He can take my stuff away but he cannot take away my family and friends, which are treasures he does not posses and never will posses as long as he refuses to grow up with the rest of us. On top of that I have a future - not just because I'm in school, but because I have ethics and critical thinking skills, because I'm good and fair to people, because I'm faithful, and because I don't lie to or manipulate others. That all makes for a good, solid foundation that does not fail.

So, I will say this once and once only:

Fuck you, George. I and everyone else are better off without you, and secretly I think you know it.

That includes you, John. I didn't call you out because you really don't need to be called out, do you? I mean, calling people child molesters when you're the one with the 15 year old baby mama and all.

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>depression

>

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Quite simply, I've been depressed. More specifically, I've been wallowing in a deep, black pit that I have yet to see the light at the end of. You see, all that drama with George stirred up a lot of old problems that I thought I had resolved. He has yet again successfully made me feel like I and everyone around me is better off with me dead. I've almost completely quit making diapers, working on Chris' and my business scheme, and am close to quitting school and even getting up out of bed in the morning. It all seems pointless... pointless to even try... because no matter how hard I try or how well I do I will always be worthless, I will always be fucked over by people like him, and everything will always be all my fault.

There's David. He believes in me, he loves me, and I trust him. But at the moment I feel like he's freaking insane to believe in me or love me, and it's just a matter of time before he gets frustrated and gives up just like George did. And then whatever happens will be all my fault again. I feel like David is this beautiful package... with a bomb inside waiting to go off. That sounds like a negative thing about David, but it's not. It's a negative thing about me. Something is wrong with me. Something about me makes people go crazy. Something about me makes people detonate on the spot. And it's only a matter of time before I make him explode.

I see it happening already. Right now I'm sitting in bed while he cleans the house. Why am I not cleaning the house? Because I don't have the energy to. I'm weak and sick to my stomach and I hate myself for it because it's no excuse. Because it's stuff like this that is going to make him pop. I belong in a mental hospital and I've told him that but he won't let me go. Meanwhile I know this entire time that he's just going to blame me when he can't take it any more, even though I'm trying to get him right now to let me go before that happens.

Maybe when you're bipolar, it's God's way of telling you you don't deserve to live. Maybe when you're bipolar, you shouldn't even attempt to have a life... you should just off yourself and get it over with. The world doesn't forgive transgressions, no matter what the reason for them is. I may be laying in bed because I'm having a depressed episode, but in the big picture it doesn't matter. All that matters is I'm laying in bed. And for that I don't deserve anything good. I don't deserve my family. I deserve to die.

Or maybe George just broke what little of me was left. Maybe it's just my time to go before I cause any more damage with my toxic self.

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>My first pocket diaper

>

diapers 2007-01-01 005I'm using pins right now as I haven't quite got the hang of stitching on Velcro yet. Other than that though the diaper came out perfect! :)

 

 

 


diapers 2007-01-01 006 Look at that cute fluffy butt! :P

 

 

 

 


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>This is such a cute pic that I had to share it!

>

brennan 2007-01-01 001 BTW, that fleece diaper cover he's wearing is one of my very own creations. :)

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>woof!

>

me and brennan 2007-01-03 001

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>20 things I love about David in no particular order

>

1. His eyes… he has the kind of eyes that seem like they can stare straight in to your soul

2. His empathy… it makes you think he really CAN stare straight in to your soul

3. The way he appreciates all the little things I do to show him I care

4. The way he does little things to show me he cares

5. How he loves to cuddle at night

6. How he loves to have my arm hooked through his when we go out

7. The way he can smile at me or kiss me and make everything suddenly seem better

8. There’s hardly a single day that goes by that he does not tell me how beautiful I am to him and how much he appreciates me - and means it

9. How he does his best to help me with Brennan and around the house when I need it

10. His imagination… it’s wild and open and free

11. His love for life

12. His love and empathy for everyone regardless of if they show it back

13. His willingness to forgive and forget

14. His firm butt

15. His determination – when he sets his mind to something, there’s no changing it

16. His valor – he will stand up to anything or anyone to protect his family’s honor

17. His intelligence – he not only has opinions but he can back them up with facts

18. His love for reading

19. His adventurous nature – I can go anywhere with him and know we’ll have fun

20. His honesty and faithfulness – there are a lot of dogs out there, and this guy isn’t one of them!

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>all alone in my lonely apartment

>
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBynMKZhUhE&hl=en&fs=1]

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