>breakdown

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z50ZveXL-Ps&hl=en&fs=1]

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>point/counterpoint

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>Brennan's first Christmas

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>Diamonds and Guns

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk3GCVWiXEg&hl=en&fs=1]

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>Merry Christmas!

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>four generations

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I don't like taking things to the kind of personal level used in the last entry because I respect other's lives and families. However, when others disrespect my life and ESPECIALLY my family, there's no reason for me to play the fool.

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This is a picture of my grandma, me, my mom, and Brennan. It was taken several months ago back when Brennan was still a newborn. Look at our faces. My mom looks like she's about to bust with happiness, my grandma looks reflectively proud, and I look like I just love the little bugger (which I do).

There's truth in that picture. I look happier than I ever have been, and I was/am/will continue to be. No one can put a damper on my happiness. No amount of words no matter how vicious will take me down a single notch. Nothing you take away from me will hurt me. I have everything in the world that I need - my family. George can't comprehend that because he's never known what it's like to have a family that loves and supports him. He imagines that his shenanigans are going to depress me because they used to depress me when I was with him. All I have to say about that is WAKE UP.

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>karma and life comparisons

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I just got one of the most moronic emails in my life from George's friend John. I'm not going to post the whole five page long letter here, but I do want to address one part in particular:

YOU: Cancer, Mental handicap, White Trash, Child Molester Husband,still lives in Putnam County Florida..
George: Great new Girlfriend, Great Job, Financial stability, Stress free lifestyle..
Now I ask you . Who really had negative Karma coming to them ?

If you're going to discuss the ramifications of Karma one must do so in a logical and systematic way. Karma is the mystical concept of what you put out comes back to you. That means the results of Karma must be unexplained. Cancer does not qualify unless its rare in your family. In my family it is the main cause of death. So oops, can't count that.

Bipolar disorder also runs in my family, and I don't think I have to explain that it's not a "mental handicap". The only mental handicap I see is this person's poor grasp of the english language.

White trash? Can't you really come up with something better than that? You talk like I have a beer gut and am living in a trailer. In my experience this is usually only thrown out there when you have nothing else to grasp at. I would suggest you stop making it so obvious that you have absolutely nothing to hold on to.

Child molester husband? WTF is George telling you? Now it seems that on top of having nothing to hold on to, you're simply making crap up. Or maybe you started thinking about yourself. I wouldn't be talking if I was the one that got a 15 year old pregnant.

Still lives in Putnam? Give me a break. Anderson, SC isn't exactly a dream boat itself. In fact when given a choice between the two, I would pick Putnam hands down just to get away from all the religious crazed maniacs and backstabbing that goes on in Anderson. At least people are upfront with you here and don't hide behind a mask of politeness while talking crap behind your back.

Now, since you were so courteous to point out my "flaws", let me point out yours:

- Your great new girlfriend is still married and has a 5 year old kid that's not yours. On top of that from what you've told me she's got plenty of emotional baggage carried over from her first marriage. Almost like you just found a way of taking me back after a few years of a hard marriage to you, isn't it?

- Working for the electric company as a footman is NOT a great new job. It also is not financially secure. You can still end up finding yourself fired and working at Burger King tomorrow, so spare me.

- Stress free lifestyle - So stress free in fact that I'm sure your grandfather is doing great now. Oops, wait, no, he's not. I'm sure you're married now and have a wonderful family. Oops, wait, no, you're not. Have lots of friends at least? Strike three. Well at least you're working your dream job, right? Oops, no, strike FOUR. Things are looking pretty sad for you right now.

Now, a more realistic look at my life currently:

- I get several thousand dollars back every few months just for going to school.

- I'm going to school so I can have my dream career in IT and am maintaining a 3.8GPA

- I'm moving to Jacksonville at the end of this year. Your little boy toy should've noticed the area code on his caller ID.

- I'm about to start not one but two new businesses.

- I've made friends through out my life time and kept them. I haven't just made one friend back in high school and then made him or her my (excuse the language) bitch.

- My family stands behind me 100% both when facing others and when simply facing me by myself. They help me out when I need it and never give me a hard time about it or criticize me and make me feel bad about myself. We're best friends with each other and tell each other everything. In case you're wondering why this matters, it's because your relationship with your family reflects your life and relationship with others.

- I'm married to a man that has got to be one of the most fantastic husbands on this planet. He takes an interest in his son, he takes an interest in me, he puts our needs and wants as a family before his own, we rarely argue and much less fight, and there is not a day that goes by that he does not tell me how much he loves me and is glad I am in his life.

- I have a son that is far ahead of the rest in his learning and social skills, that smiles at everyone and is almost always happy because that's all he knows - warmth, love, and happiness.

Pay attention to those last four because unlike you I don't measure my life by how much financial success I have as much as I do by how happy and loved I am. Remember George is a good three years older than me so of course he is going to be at a different financial point than I am. When he was my age he didn't even have a job - I was supporting him because he couldn't manage to hold down a job. He pissed all of his managers off with his total lack of respect for authority. Which I suppose works out well when you're cutting people's electricity off, which would explain why you have this "great job" and are no longer working your actual dream job - that was being the webmaster for a large church where you actually got to negotiate your wages. If you actually went to school for anything you would be able to negotiate your wages with every job as an independent contractor, and every job would be a webmaster position.

It basically boils down to this - I have solid ground that I'm working on. Meanwhile you have the same shakey foundation you started out with, and I would not be surprised in the least if it all fell down within the next year.

Call me if you ever want to talk about Karma or compare lives again. I find your theories hilarious.

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>he lied

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So yup, it looks like George was lying the entire time. I called him today and his attitude had completely changed. He yelled at me for calling him... I yelled back that I was suing. I also informed his friend John that I was no longer playing their games and that if suing them both was what it took I'm going to do it.

Can someone possibly be this psycho without even realizing it? I mean jeez I'm bipolar and I'm not any where near this Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I think he was just trying to stall me on the lawsuit or play games. Either way his foolishness is going to end up being costly.

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>just google

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO_ey4v1ccA&hl=en&fs=1]

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>second guessing grandma

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVr0pMOd3bo&hl=en&fs=1]

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>familia

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I realized today that there seems to be an undeniable link between the success of my relationships and the families of the men I have dated. The worst relationships I ever had always had the most dysfunctional families. What’s funny about it is thinking even further I’ve come to realize that those relationships failed because we took on the personas of those who raised us.

I come from a family that is proud, stubborn, resourceful, strong, and silent. As a family of artists we have our disagreements but they are handled in a smooth, calm manner. If one person gets worked up the other patiently waits for them to calm down before continuing, giving no second thoughts to anything said in the heat of the moment. We are close to each other, we trust one another, we help each other where and when ever we can.

I remember a time when I felt that my family was very dysfunctional, but over the years I have come to learn and appreciate that I got lucky enough to have a family that cares. I grew up being told I was loved, getting hugs, getting kisses, getting “just because” presents. I was allowed to express my feelings and I was listened to. In many ways I was “spoiled” – not to say that what they did was wrong, but that what they did was so unusual that it caused me problems later in life learning to adjust to the outside world which wasn’t nearly as loving or forgiving.

My family also is not blind to my personality and behavior. They will let me know when I’m wrong and let me know when I’m right. They carry no facades about who I am or what I am capable of doing. They can always tell when I’m lying. They always speak up.

I remember one relationship was with a guy that had what many people would call a dysfunctional family. This guy grew up with a cold, overbearing mother and an abusive father. In turn I found myself in a relationship with a cold, overbearing, and abusive guy. Another was with a guy that had a doting mother and absentee father – which in turn led to me finding myself in a relationship with a demanding and controlling guy. I remember one guy I dated had a mother that was so doting and controlling that he expected me to take her place by doting over and controlling him.

And now I find myself faced by someone that had much the same upbringing I did. Our relationship doesn’t suffer the stormy seas of conflicting interests, and I seriously believe this has something to do with the way we were raised. We were raised to be happy – and so we’re happy now. That’s not to say there’s never any conflict but when there is we know how to actually handle it in a non-destructive way. That’s not to say things never get heated but when they do we know to stop, cool down, and try again. Most importantly though we know how to love, trust, and believe in each other. Those are skills, not natural born traits or mystical occurrences. They are skills I believe are primarily taught to us by our families.

If I’m right and that is the case, then Brennan has a good head start on being in a happy relationship in the future. :)

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>keeping cloth diapers stain free

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Every parent is surprised to find that keeping their cloth diapers white and stain free is a difficult task indeed. Every time their baby goes, they find another stubborn stain that just won't come out. Well, help is here - and here are the secrets to keeping your cloth diapers white and stain free.

AC

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>the newspaper fold

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The newspaper fold is a very popular fold to use with prefolded diapers. Features of the newspaper fold include a "poop pouch", extra absorbency in the front if folded down, no bunching or bulkiness in the crouch area, and a good tight fit around the thighs. While popular the newspaper fold can be a tricky fold to do, so be patient if you don't get it right at first.

AC

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>following your baby's developmental cues

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If you're a parent wondering when you should start introducing your baby to solids, you're not alone. Many parents ask this question and are confused by guides that go by your baby's age. Starting solids at 6 months may seem just right for some parents, too early for others, and too late for many more.

AC

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>transitioning

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I'm slowly but surely making the transition from prefolds to flats, namely in the form of receiving blankets. I have so many receiving blankets I didn't know what to do with them all. This way they're finding a nice use. It's surprising to me that I like them so much considering they take more work. Seven months ago I wouldn't even consider using a prefold, much less a flat. I was in to cloth diapers but I thought all-in-ones were the way to go - no fuss, no muss. Boy was I wrong. All-in-ones require meticulous care... the folding involved in prefolds and flats is nothing compared to how carefully you have to treat your all-in-ones. Then there's the expense involved... you can easily drop $300 on an all-in-one stash only to end up doing it again once your baby goes up a size. Prefolds and flats are pretty much one size fits all, and my prefold stash cost under $100. Considering how tough prefolds and flats are in comparison to all-in-ones on top of that.... the choice becomes even easier. :)

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>a crossroads

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Today I did my homework on the situation with George. He made a post about how he didn't want to argue on the internet... so I figured it was time to take the arguing to a courtroom.

First of all I contacted the people he claimed a while back had my stuff in storage. One of them I'm still waiting on a response from, the other confirmed that they had none of my stuff in storage.

Second I contacted my lawyer and let him know that I want to continue with the lawsuit. I have another appointment set up with him at 3 p.m. tomorrow.

Third I called George. George said that he had decided that he and John would put my stuff in storage and mail me the key. He said he would email me John's phone number so that we can discuss it further.

So we're now at a crossroads. Should Jim not email me, Jack not answer, or Jack refuse to give me back my stuff then I have already got a head start on suing. Should they actually return my stuff the lawsuit will be getting called off.

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>we're going in

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So after several months of talking, Chris and I finally decided to start the IT business we've been talking about doing. It's fresh, it's new, it's never been done before, and there will be lots of people wanting to pay for our services.

But I'm not telling what it is... yet. :P

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>a quick & dirty how to on washing baby's clothes

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Caring for a new baby's clothing can seem like a scary task. You know baby's skin is sensitive, so you do not want to use anything that may harm their skin. You also do not want to use anything that will hurt their clothing.

AC

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>Yahoo lays off 10%

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Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang noted in his post-quarterly earnings e-mail to employees in late October that employees affected by the 10 percent job cut would be "notified of layoffs in the next several weeks" -- that is, before Thanksgiving.

Cnet

Yet another sign of the times.

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>switching to cloth

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The transition from disposable to prefold cloth diapers is by no means an easy one. It's not unusual for parents to give up, frustrated because they can't seem to manage the smell, laundry, folding, or other aspects of maintaining cloth diapers. This article is here to make that transition easier. Soon enough you will find cloth diapering to be quick and convenient.

AC

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>good times

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3PQCDTMem0&hl=en&fs=1]

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>7 month check up

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Brennan went for his 7 month check up and shots today. He was very sweet and patient with everyone, and even though he cried when he got his shots he stopped crying right afterwards and didn't put up a struggle when they were doing it. The doctor said he was right on target for everything except his height, but that he would catch up there as well.

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>randomness

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I wonder why George chose to post more crap up about me on his blog. He claims he wants to be left alone but then when he gets his wish he keeps on. It's like he wants this to go on and on. Is he really that hard hit up for entertainment? Honestly, he probably is, I don't know.

My finals are coming up this week. I'm not sure how I'm going to do but I'm pretty sure I'm going to do well. I've been working on them for the past several weeks so I better not fail. :P

Booga is getting better and better at standing and now is trying to take steps. We suspect he'll be walking before he crawls and that it will be before his first birthday. He's also saying "mama" on a regular basis when he wants me. The kid is so smart it's scary.

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>try out your voice

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ob-iysnZ_HI&hl=en&fs=1]

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>my father

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Having found my brother means a lot to me. Through understanding him it helps me understand myself and where I've came from a lot better. I only wish I could have met our father before he passed away. From what I've been told he was a great man - a human rights activist, a Buddhist, the first African American photographer for the Herald, a talented musician. I feel a little of the gap filled that has been prevalent through out my life - for once, I feel like I actually knew my father because I know myself. I can see pieces of him in me - my passion, my creativity, my intellect, my humanitarian efforts, my spiritual efforts, my natural understanding of music theory, my tendency to get lost in my work. I can see why my mom fell in love with him - if it wasn't for the problems they had they would have been a perfect match.

I can't wait to see Louisville, the city where I was born. I am told it is a beautiful place to go.

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>cheer up

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNdZnh3tcMc&hl=en&fs=1]

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